Sleep ParalysisThe demon visited me once again today.

Yes, today. Not tonight or the night before or after; times you’d think a demon would be out. This demon knows no such boundaries, it would seem, and so it usually visits me in the morning.

I lay in bed, having woken up much earlier than I wanted or needed to, with my eyes shut in hopes of remedying the situation. My body relaxed several times, and I felt sleep just within my grasp…
But several times my body found some fault with the split second-imagery of my dreams and jolted me awake, leaving me frustrated, but not deterred.
I would prefer it to what happens next.
The final time I shut

I used to want to die.Take a look at this papers background… It’s blank right?
That’s what your life is every day if you do nothing about it.
The world is your canvas you paint it, not anyone else.
Pick up your paint brush and paint a beautiful sky that you want to see everyday
Or YOU choose to paint a tornado that takes everything from you, and eventually takes your life if you paint it too many times.
Trust me. It isn’t worth it. I know that’s it is hard, you tell me you can’t do it but you can. My God or your God believes you can get through this!
He believes that you are tougher than every person around you.
He believes th

Forever LetterDear You,

I've known you for a long time and I thought that we could tell
each other anything, but now I know it isn't true. I knew that
your condition was worsening, but I didn't know it was so bad.
I found out that you had cancer the other day. You tried to hide
it from me, but I found the chemo dates in that pocket in your
bag you thought hid everything from the world. From me. From
me, your only trusted person in the universe. And that's not all
I discovered.

Those chemotherapy dates were expired, past. You've been through
maybe six or seven tests now. And I talked to your doctor about
it and he told me that you have maybe three weeks l

I reread the note todayHe was so self-conscious that he began to come across as bizarre: a thin young man with gaunt cheekbones who slouched around the edges of conversations waiting for a chance to politely cut in, but to those more extroverted he seemed a creep or a voyeur. I knew him a year in silent passing before we had a conversation on the winding staircase beside the wall of windows.

Paused with intention, he stood above me and, backlit by a pale grey January morning, I could see all the blackened angles of his figure in contrast with his hands which rested bright upon the railing: smooth and golden, sparsely haired. When he smiled, he bared all his teeth,

Important You see a different side of a people when they sleep. Some people become rolling and boiling oceans, thrashing around in fits of emotional rage. Others become soft trains, riding down a long peaceful track. Even still, some make an unconscious decision to tell you their life story.
For me, my person becomes a beautiful place of serenity. Whilst he's awake, he's comical, vibrant, and alive. But sleeping, all of those wonderful attributes that make him him, they all become much quieter. All stress and anxiety seemingly disappear from under his radar, leaving only peace of mind and calm. While sleeping, he is more than beautiful.
Sleep is important. But for me, it is not for the reasons scientists say it is. It is a chance to find beauty in those around you where you may not commonly see it, Sleep is a chance to hold someone close, when you're too fearful while conscious.
Find your beauty. N

CrookedThere is an old nursery rhyme that tells us about the Crooked Man, and everything he had was crooked. I ask how one could live...live a crooked life. How could someone that is broken...stay in a broken house...surround himself with crooked things? I am my own crooked man, and I can give you the answer. You cannot live a crooked, broken life. Your soul, flesh, and bone may live, but you as a person cannot. Day by day, crooked events envelope you deeper...deeper...deeper into darkness. Crookedness is a demon that twists you...warps you...but it does not cause your pain. Some of us...some of us are destined for crookedness. I've led my life alon

SometimesSometimes, you feel like giving up. In your mind, you had given up all hope and all that’s left to do is to quietly disappear in a corner. Perhaps you didn’t have enough courage to continue moving on; afraid of failure, you stand still in the road called life, unsure of what to do next. Fear of being unable to stop what’s going to happen next, fear of being unable to prevent that same mishap from happening again, fear of falling again after that one thousand failures. Because of that fear, you’re moving further from me.

“Now all I want to do is forget this ever happened. Forget it all, go to sleep, and never wak

The Standard TwistWhat’s considered Normal
If we're all considered Odd,

Is Normal having no beliefs,
Is Normal loving God?

Is Normal picking up a smoke,
And lying down to rest,

Is Normal being better than you can be,
Is Normal really the best?

Is Normal a thing I can strive for,
Is it something I should be,

Is Normal the word you'd use to describe,
What you see when you see me?

In a world full of questions,
I like to ask myself,

If normal is something we aim for,
Why all those trophies on our shelves?

Because awards come from Oddity,
Where you do things with your heart,

And if you do them Normally,
You're hopeless from the start,

Oddity is what

If OnlyIf only you could understand the depths to which I hate myself; like a maniac bottled inside a cage with barbed wire around his throat. If only you could see the blood I've shed, bottled up and buried with the last remnants of my being, just to stop offending your eyes. If only you could fathom the horrors these two eyes have lived; so potent in the night, rendering me sleepless still. If only you could feel the fire burning in my chest; the relentless yearning transfixed behind thick walls of flesh. If only you could touch the longing; so desperate, like a fish that swims through sewers, calling out behind dark corners; begging for another l

A Stand for Sexuality.I’ve been waiting a while to get the chance and write this just to put it out there and try and make a difference. First of all;

Definition of Homosexual:
adjective
(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.
• involving or characterized by sexual attraction between people of the same sex: homosexual desire.
noun
a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.

Definition of Homophobia:
noun
an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.

Now I guarantee that so many people who are homophobic or are uncomfortable with homosexuals, bisexuals, or anyone that is not hetero

Blame and TrustNo one really thinks about it when they pick up the knife,

“Yo-ho! I’m here, the party can start now baby!” a girl with dark brown hair, it could be easily be mistaken as black in shadows. In truth there was a faint violent tang to it from her most recent hair-dye. She wore a black tank top and blue jeans there were broken on the knees. A black wrist band and her hair was clipped up making it spike and bounce with each step. Her shoes were black but had a white stripe on the very bottom. She also wore a dark azure ring on the opposite hand, around her middle finger. The way her right side of her face was a long thick hair l

Twisted SmilesI stand here looking at the cloudy sky above me. It smiles its most maniacal smiles and laughs as rain begins to pour from the murky heavens. I simply stare into the rain and begin to smile back.

It is my most delirious smile, full of mischief and laughter. The rain responds with a quiet gust of laughing wind. My twisted smile, it curves even further.

I take a deep breath and laugh, knowing that inside of this madness, that this is where I want to be. It is here where my heart desires to be, it is here where I belong, it is here where I am immersed in this sunken abyss.

The raven with his call of laughter, he never seemed so loud. Even in

This ManThis man is different from Pa. He's like a distinct reflection, making my world and understanding different than before.

Ma says that this man once told her that Pa was stupid to drop our family. After that, I always sat in my room--well, a room not MY room--wondering..........what was so special about my family? We're probably one of the worst families there is. A lost woman, now the head of a bunch of lost members, a dazed teenager, an isolated gamer, a quick tempered girl and two pets, who would want to choose us?

His family is more interesting. His wife is one of the religious group leaders at church, his daughter is a high school gradu

Cold Blooded Lovers"What if I told you...I still loved you?" She confessed.

His eyes, closed while his throat twitched with laughter.
"Who could ever love a girl like you? You were the worst
decision of my life! You don't know how long I've waited
to tell you that!" His lips, dry from the heartless yelling
lead to his back facing her.

A grin crept across her drenched mouth before a deep sigh
slithered out. "Who could ever love a girl like me?
You're right. Who could? After all, it was you who
created this? You made sure no one else could love me?
Made damn sure that I would be convinced you could
only love me." Once again, that deep breath escaped
her lips

Pre and Post Routine"Cut, cut, cut my skin
Take my pain away.
Quickity, quickity, quickity, quick
I wash it down the drain.

Now, now, let it bleed
Let them bleed away.
Soon, soon, they will heal
And scars they will be made."

I stood in front of the mirror, undressed with the shower on behind me. My face turned sour at my reflection making it all too easy to duck down and take the pencil sharpener blade from my pocket. Easily I could see the marks where my too-tight-bra would grip and began slicing inside those lines.

At first they weren't deep enough. Then I pressed harder and cut wildly on my side, back, the side of and underneath my breast, and then low in

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Mother I Love you

by *pinkstar144, Jan 20, 2013, 8:30:44 PM
Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

Mother I Love you…

Mom I love you. I want you to know I do.
I love you oh so dearly that I’ll talk about it too.
Mom I really care about you and I hope one day you’ll see
That I want to share my secrets and talk to you when I’m in need.

Mother you often wonder why I never care
To talk or even leave my room when everyone is there,
Or smile a lot at dinner like you expect me at most to do
You wonder why I never spend enough time with you.

Well mother, when I was younger I called you so we could play
But you had school and work to do and stayed in your room all day.
So mother I learned to find new ways to entertain myself.
I bothered my little sister and colored on my shelves.

As time went on and friends and family had gone a bliss
There was always often always no one I would miss
Why is this, you may ask in your mind someday
Maybe it’s because I learned to deal that way.

Childhood was better than most I could show
But your words had often hurt me, but I was sensitive you know.
You would say my stories were terrible and didn’t make any sense.
Now I have a love for writing and that’s where the time was spent.

I think about it now that I know where my biggest fear had came
It had to be when I was very small and when I always cried (which was lame)
All those yells and strong words used to teach me discipline
Now haunts me to this day to why I always listen.

It’s almost humorous that when I was young you would tell me to keep a steady pace
You used to get annoyed when I would run and yell in glee all over the place.
But now you’re in confusion why I do the opposite now.
I find it really funny how you can’t relate somehow.

I’ve seen shows when mothers would talk and listen to their kids
I’ve seen movies were mothers were open with calming lids.
I’ve wondered if my mother would just stop and listen when I talked
Or if she would just be worried and order me to stop.

But I want to say to you mother, I love you more than life
And it pains me to see you cry when I leave and laugh in site.
Mom, if you only knew that I wanted to spend time with you
Then maybe you would see how much you mean to me.

Clothes, shoes, and shopping for jewelry and things
Aren’t what I’m into or what beauty it may bring.
We don’t have much in common, except that I take after you.
I’m like your polar opposite, the broken record of your muse.

We don’t like the same movies, clothes, or materialist things,
Furniture, books, or the finer things life brings.
I’m more about the fantasy and things were I can dream.
While you’re more reality and an industrial working queen.

I know I bother you when I don’t know what kind of clothes to pick
Or even make you livid when I don’t know how to put plates to dish.
When I joke with my sick humor your smile isn’t often shown.
Instead you think I’m serious and I think you can’t take a joke.

In this sense we’re similar
We have always learned to disagree.
But still mom, I admire you
And thankful for what you bring.

Don’t get me wrong; You are a perfect mother!
And frankly I would never ever want any another!
It’s just inside I wish that I could forget my past.
Inside all I really want is to make our time last.

However, I know that isn’t possible with your busy schedule and stuff.
I know that like a hidden treasure I’ll be a diamond in the rough.
You find my anti-social, gothic, or even rude,
At times your find me ungrateful, stubborn, or un-amused.

But candidly can’t you say that you can be like that too?
Is it because you’re my mother that I can’t be you in front of you?
We are all not whole but none of us are broken.
We have our ups and downs like these words here that are spoken.

Did you know I have a lot of fun talking to people I barely even knew?
Did you know that my biggest fear is being rejected and disowned too?
Did you know I have a crush and he treats me like a queen?
Did you know I love the things that you’re always so kind to give me?

You gave me your eyes for which I see
Yet I hardly see like you do.
I often wish I had more freedom
And I often wish you did too.

You work more than usual.
You on the phone more at home.
You love time to relax on your bed
And listen to the TV instead.

Though, I don’t blame you.
I can be like that too
Give me a computer and I’m happy.
That’s really all I’d ask of you.

I just feel that I need to get this off my chest.
Please do not think I’m trying to insult you in a protest.
I want you to only see that you mean so much to me,
So much that I writing all these good and bad memories.

I love you so much I’m writing you this poem
So that you and I could work at things and talk like we know ‘em
Because I write this I’m crying now in wonder to what you’ll think
I wonder if you’re crying now… Oh that’s not something I want to think.

Mom I want to hug you and kiss you when you’re home
I want to show you every day that my love for you could show.
There’s just so many things between us; but don’t fret you’re a swell mother!
I love you mom and even yet, my life wouldn’t be the same without your cover!

Mother’s, I’ve been told, are your best friend.
They’ll love you and protect you until the very end.
Mother, I believe that this to the fullest you’ll do.
But did you ever stop to wonder, what other things best friends do?

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Mother I Love youby *pinkstar144

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Jeez... I can't stop crying... TT^TT

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~xxxWARGIRLxxx Jan 21, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

I'm on the same boat man. Me and my momma ain't that close....Actually, I'm not that close to anyone in my family....:/ But oh well my friends are my family, cause I can be myself around them~ :3

*pinkstar144 Jan 21, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

*huggles* That's okay ^^ you're not alone when it comes to that :3

~xxxWARGIRLxxx Jan 21, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

~IzzyLuvsYou22 Jan 20, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

*pinkstar144 Jan 20, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

H-HEY DON'T CRY!!! DX

I'm glad it touched you TTWTT

~IzzyLuvsYou22 Jan 20, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

D: It's so beautiful. I love it

*pinkstar144 Jan 20, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much ^^ Hopefully My mother will understand. I still admire your journal entry on your mother~ :3

~IzzyLuvsYou22 Jan 20, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

xD I admire this very much

I hope your mother will understand too

It's one of the worst things in life too have to go through when you don't have a family to be there for you 100% of the time and 100% of the way.

*pinkstar144 Jan 21, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I Agree. But that's life ^^'

~IzzyLuvsYou22 Jan 21, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Yep :/

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